Margaret Knight's Battle Rap; 1871 - Pt. 3

In honor of Women's History Month.

Part 3 of 3.

JUDGE Ms. Knight, your rebuttal?

MARGARET So, that is “Rap?” Well, then. Needs must.

She rolls up her sleeves as the Commissioners pound the table, etc.

MARGARET OH BOO HOO HOO, PAPER BAG PRINCESS YOU LIE LIKE A RUG - WHERE IS YOUR WITNESS? HEED WHAT I’M SPITTIN’ CUZ IMMA ‘BOUT TO CRUSH IT HELL YEAH, IMMA WOMAN - I’M ALL OVER LUSCIOUS YOU BE TALKIN’ SMACK LIKE I A LITTLE GIRL BITCH, PLEASE! AGE TWELVE I WAS WORKIN’ INNA MILL YOU ALL BALLED UP - YOU AIN’T INVENT SHIT ‘CEPT ONE HUNDRED WAYS TO PLAY WITCHA DICK

CHARLES SHUT YER BONE BOX, HO - YOU SPITTIN’ HELLA FIMBLE FAMBLE YOU LOST LIKE LIVINGSTON ONNA AFRICAN RAMBLE IMMA FINE AS CREAM GRAVY - STEP ASIDE NOW ‘FORE I SAW YER TIMBER AND CLEAN YER PLOW

MARGARET THEY CALL ME LADY EDISON YOUR CLAIMS THE COURT WILL JETTISON I GOT DA RECEIPTS - YOU DOWN WITH DAT? NAH, IT OVER YA HEAD LIKE A HOMBURG HAT

JUDGE IT IS TRANSPARENTLY OBVIOUS MS. KNIGHT WILL BE VICTORIOUS ANNAN’S VERSION RINGS AS TRUE AS OSCAR PISTORIUS

CHARLES BETTA BRACE YO SELF - I LAUNCH MY COUNTER ATTACK

MARGARET YOUR MISSILE IS TOO SHORT AND YOUR RHYMES ARE WHACK

CHARLES YOUR FLOW BE MENTAL - WHERE YA GET THE GUMPTION? DON’T CARE A CONTINENTAL - HOPE YA DIE OF CONSUMPTION I AIN’T RIP YOUR STYLE - DIS IS MY MACHINE GOT THE PATENT TO PROVE IT SO KISS MY YAAAAS, QUEEN!

MARGARET HUGGER-MUGGER, FOUR-FLUSHER, CHISELER, CHEAT HOGAMUNDY, HOOSEGOW, MUDSILL, THIEF YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A TWO BIT SWINDLER I GOT NUMEROUS IDEAS, MAKE A LIST LIKE SCHINDLER OVER NINETY NINE INVENTIONS AND MY BEATS ARE SICK GOT A MEDAL FROM THE QUEEN AND MADE HISTORY MY BITCH YOU HUSTLE LIKE YOU BROKE - THAT’S CUZ I BROKE YA YOU RHYME LIKE YOU CHOKE - THAT’S CUZ I CHOKE YA MY FREESTYLE BE ILLIN’ - CHECK MY LEGACY MY SHIT’S IN DA SMITHSONIAN -

HOLLA! WASHINGTON DEEEE CEEEEEE

COMMISIONERS HOOOOOOOOOOLLAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

Knight victoriously struts around the court room as the Commissioners go wild. Judge bangs his gavel.

JUDGE Order! Order! Commissioner - bring me my official patent stamping stamp!

COMMISSIONER 1 Yes, sir!

Commissioner 1 EXITS.

CHARLES Your Honor, I don’t need the stamp, I already have the patent.

JUDGE A patent that is now null and void, you scoundrel. It will be my great honor to grant U.S. Patent number 116842 to Ms. Margaret Knight for she is the rightful owner and inventor of the ingenious Paper Bag Machine.

MARGARET Now THAT is Ace High, According to Hoyle!

CHARLES Not fair!!!!

Crying, Annan runs off stage. All CHEER, then FREEZE in a tableau.

STEVE JOBS enters, wearing his iconic spectacles, black turtle neck, jeans, etc.

STEVE JOBS And thus, Margaret Knight won her patent interference lawsuit for her bag making machine. Not exactly an i-phone, but ... Known as “Lady Edison,” Knight was one of the first women in the U.S. to receive a patent and went on to receive twenty five more. Or maybe eighty six more? At any rate, I had three hundred and thirteen. Just sayin’. Nevertheless, Knight is known as the most famous female inventor of the 19th century. Much like I, Steve Jobs, am known as the Most Famous Inventor of ALL TIME.

The tableau breaks. Lights begin to fade.

MARGARET

That’s not exactly --

STEVE JOBS I, Steve Jobs, am the Most Famous Inventor of All Time!

JUDGE Who is Steve Jobs?

STEVE JOBS The Most Famous Inventor of All Time!!

COMMISSIONER 2 This is Margaret’s story.

COMMISSIONER 3 He's off his chump!

STEVE JOBS I AM THE MOST, MOST, MOST -

The Commissioners walk towards Jobs, somewhat menacingly, but Margaret waves them away. STEVE JOBS INVENTOR! ME!

MARGARET Let’s just go.

All exit except for Steve Jobs, who stands alone in the spot light.